For a while now, I've felt like I have mental and spiritual attention deficit disorder. Maybe not disorder...but, deficit. Jumbled. Unsettled. It feels like my mind can't focus on any one thing. It feels like my heart isn't really into any one thing. I so hate it. I want to read God's Word without distraction...but, it's not really that I'm distracted by anything. I just can't focus. I want to pray wholeheartedly and organized. I want to be able to meditate on God's greatness. I want to rest my mind and heart on Jesus for a while. To know Him, love Him, appreciate Him. But, it's like trying to get a bouquet of balloons to stay perfectly still. Frustrating.
What causes this? How do I fix it?
I finally finished a book in a short amount of time...it's been years. It was great. Accomplishing that makes me want to keep reading books like it in order to prove to myself that I can actually focus for a time period and finish something. One thing. At a time.
Maybe that's the problem. This culture is all about multi-tasking. And if you're not multi-tasking, you should be thinking about multi-tasking. Not to mention the internet...ten tabs open at a time. Maybe this way of living is not healthy for the human head and heart. Maybe it'd be good to adopt a simpler lifestyle. But, is it possible to do that? You have to "get away", "go on vacation". That just means you have to go right back into it.
But, I know there's a way to be so wrapped up in Jesus...so consumed with Him and His Kingdom, that I wouldn't even be having to talk about this. It wouldn't matter what my circumstances were...crazy busy or dreadfully dull. I would have the one thing that mattered and that's all I would care about. That's what I want! Lord, please help me. Cuz I'm flat sick of this. Just you - that's what I want.
What causes this? How do I fix it?
I finally finished a book in a short amount of time...it's been years. It was great. Accomplishing that makes me want to keep reading books like it in order to prove to myself that I can actually focus for a time period and finish something. One thing. At a time.
Maybe that's the problem. This culture is all about multi-tasking. And if you're not multi-tasking, you should be thinking about multi-tasking. Not to mention the internet...ten tabs open at a time. Maybe this way of living is not healthy for the human head and heart. Maybe it'd be good to adopt a simpler lifestyle. But, is it possible to do that? You have to "get away", "go on vacation". That just means you have to go right back into it.
But, I know there's a way to be so wrapped up in Jesus...so consumed with Him and His Kingdom, that I wouldn't even be having to talk about this. It wouldn't matter what my circumstances were...crazy busy or dreadfully dull. I would have the one thing that mattered and that's all I would care about. That's what I want! Lord, please help me. Cuz I'm flat sick of this. Just you - that's what I want.
No comments:
Post a Comment