Day 3

So, I've already broken my resolve. Missed yesterday. It was a bit of a crazy day. But, here I am today.

Yesterday: I felt wound up like a spring. Not the fun, bouncy, full-of-potential-joy spring. Rather, the uptight, tense, about-to-explode-in-an-emotional-outburst spring. I was impatient. I was short. Yuck. I could attribute it to 5 hours of not so peaceful sleep the night before. Or I could view it as another day in my long string of days in which I haven't been the captain of my ship of emotions. The ship feels a little out of control lately. It has ebbed and flowed on the waves of my life, but more often than not, I'm the laid back captain who just waits out the storm, knowing that the storm will end at some point. But, what storm? There is no storm. So why the sudden movements up and down? Ah well. Get over it, Catherine...not a big deal. Just rejoice as you've been commanded...and be thankful. So thankful!

Today: Sometimes I blow things out of proportion. Probably a lot more often than I'd like to think. But, out of the plethora of things that annoy me, making a big deal out of something that is not a big deal grates on my nerves. Perhaps it's true that what you don't like most about others is true about yourself. Maybe I am the queen of blowing things up bigger than what they are. Maybe I have an incredibly small perspective. Lord, help me.

This makes me think, I get annoyed very easily. Let me just make a list of the things I get annoyed at:

1. Excessive talking. Talking a lot and about things that don't really matter at all. I get really worn out. And it's my problem because I'll try to listen, but the whole time I'm thinking how much I wish they would stop.

2. Mouth noises. Nuf said.

3. People repeating the same thing. Even just one more time. If they don't realize their repeating something they've already told me, I'm thinking while they're speaking, "Do you not realize you already told me that? How can you not?". If they are just repeating to make a point, I am thinking, "Maybe I'm not getting it, but I really don't think repeating it over and over is going to help me get it any better."

4. Quirks. I think most people's idiosyncrasies annoy me.

5. Loudness and over-expressiveness.

Interestingly, when someone does something that irks me, I tend to respond with the extreme of what is annoying me. If I've been around a lot of talking and loudness, I'll be extremely non-talkative and low-key. If someone is being overly analytical, I'll be the extreme of that...whatever that is. Etc.

I'm a mess. I don't like writing about how sorry I am! And maybe I'm not always this annoyed and irritable. I don't think I am. I don't feel like myself.

Here is an example of something that happens very often. My boss walks by and I am reminded to tell him something. One second passes and someone else speaks to him and he responds. When it's my turn to tell him what I just remembered...it's gone. Totally gone. Then, several minutes later when I've given up on remembering, someone comes and gives him the credit card. That was what I wanted to tell him. Someone had taken the credit card.