Transformers

A year since I last posted to this blog. A year since I've had any desire to write anything at all. All that is in between will stay between me and [not this blog.]

Love. It's so generic, so specific. So simple, yet so profound.  It can seem so familiar and so foreign at different times...and sometimes both at the same time. The word itself gets thrown around a lot. A lot, a lot. In the world we live in, it can mean so many things and sometimes never mean what it really means. But, enough on that. That's not what I wanted to write about.

Alexus. A skinny, tall, sassy, buck-toothed, disrespectful, funny, wild little diva child. She was in Kindergarten when I first met her. I was her tutor and she was about to teach me about love.

Her laziness in schoolwork got to me. She didn't want to figure anything out on her own, she wanted me to just give her the answer. Her eye rolls got to me. Nobody can roll two eyes like Alexus. Her back-talking got to me. No one can tell her what to do or how to be. Her loudness got to me. No other child is capable of her consistency of loudness. Her sass got to me. She believes the world revolves around her and demands that it does. Sure, there were some cute and funny things she did that made me like her at times, but it didn't take long for my love to run out on her. Nothing I could do would change her. And that was the point at which God spoke.

He told me to love her. That loving her would produce change. Not with my love, but with His infinite supply of unconditional love. I told Him I didn't have any more love to give. I told Him that He would have to give me His love to love her with. And He did. An unexplainable, crazy, persistent, deep, and undying love welled up within me for this little girl who had run me dry. I loved her fiercely and purposely for weeks. Hugs instead of reprimands, smiles instead of “the look,” jokes instead of lectures, “I love you” instead of “do” or “don’t.”

God was right. Loving her caused change. She is everything she used to be that drove me crazy…and probably more. But, everything changed. An unbreakable bond was forged between us. An unspoken understanding that we loved each other and would never stop. And she has changed. She listens to me, respects me, doesn’t roll her eyes at me, and treats me like her friend (and even mother, at times)...not to mention that she is the smartest student in her class. I believe she is being transformed by the love of God in me. But, the transformation doesn’t end there.

God is transforming me. He clearly showed me that my love is shallow and narrow and quick to run dry. He then demonstrated that I didn’t have to rely on my own inept love. He poured into me the love He has for Alexus so that I was (and am) able to love her without limits. This experience of God’s transforming love is ongoing and dynamic and empowering. I know now that love changes people – and not just the recipient. Love softens hearts – both the giver’s and the receiver’s. Love surprises.

Having seen what God’s love manifested in me can do, I feel free. I’m not limited by my small capacity to love. More importantly, God is not limited by my small love. He transforms us with His love and makes us transformers by His love.

So, that moment when it was just the two of us walking and she slipped her little hand into mine…God’s love made that happen.